Dear Richard Hammond

For years friends of mine have commented on how much they think I look like you but I failed to believe them until I recently holidayed in Scarborough.

 

Upon arriving at the Grand Hotel, I noticed that the receptionist turned a peculiar shade of crimson and began whispering to the maitre d. I was shown to my room and thought nothing more of it until 30 minutes later when a complimentary bottle of champagne was delivered to my room courtesy of the hotel Manager, along with a note expressing his great admiration for me. I found this very odd until my wife, pointed out that they probable think that I am David Tennant, as this has happened on several occasions and causes great embarrassment on the occasional passing of rowdy school busses.

 

My evening meal was served amidst lots of whispers and nudges and in the end my wife and I decided to eat in our room. It was then that I spotted a note that had been slid under the door from a fellow holiday maker offering me a large sum of money to spend an hour with his wife apart from the note was addressed to Richard Hammond. Needless to say I declined the offer. However, I continued to receive gifts, toy cars, flowers, vouchers and my pre-paid holiday was refunded as it was an honour to have Richard Hammond staying in their Hotel and although my card said my name on it the only comment I received regarding my true identity was that it was ‘very wise’ of me to use a pseudonym. Due to the credit crunch and the decline in the country’s economy I decided to take advantage of the situation and managed to make a saving of over £400 which I put towards a conservatory.

 

You may also like to know that I also received an extra £250 after visiting a sick child in hospital, at the request of the hotel, and he was thrilled to meet me/you and they took some photographs which I told them could be forwarded to me via Top Gear at the BBC. When you receive the photographs could you please send them to me at the address above, I would most appreciate it.

 

The funny thing about the whole thing is, I am actually 6’5 tall which means that the idiots who believed that I was you must also think that Jeremy Clarkson is nearly 8 feet tall. I mustn’t laugh though because these people saved me a lot of money and my conservatory is really coming on. Please may I have a signed picture of you and then I will have something to leave with an ill child, should I ever meet one again under such circumstances.

 

Yours sincerely

 

Leigh

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