Lulu

 

Unfortunately, the T-Mobile advert has subjected yet another generation to the shrill sound of “Weeeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaa-eeeeeeeeee-aaaaaaaa-eeeeee-aaaa-eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel”. Not a year goes by without Shout blasting out of the radio or telly. Ban the record and people will stop killing.

 

There are so many reasons why Lulu qualifies for this week’s Celebrity Tit and here are a few. Add to the list if you wish.

 

Flora

In the Flora advert we witnessed Lulu working out her cholesterol level after speedily solving a mathematical puzzle. Smug cow, as if we believe she did that herself – she thinks we’re thick.

 

Her Face

Every time she’s on telly someone complements her on how youthful she looks. It’s making her head swell – look at the size of her face!

 

Her Accent

In interviews she constantly takes the mickey out of her Scottish accent and slips into over accentuated and exaggerated impressions that cause great embarrassment and shame in the interviewee and the viewer.

Recently she’s become a judge on that BBC Eurovision X-Factor rip-off and she’s suddenly American. Each week she vomits out one liners such as, “You go girlfriend!” (complete with wobbly Jerry Springer head) “You got it goin’ on!” and “You better watch yo’ back mutha f****r, ‘fore I pop a cap in yo’ ass!”

 

Singing

Again, every time she’s interviewed, if given the opportunity, she will burst into song. This is no doubt an attempt to prove that she’s still got ‘it’. If ‘it’ is the ability to singlehandedly increase the suicide rate and drive people into ramming freshly sharpened pencils into their ears then Lulu has got ‘it’ in abundance. She should go to Iraq to entertain the troops.