Britain’s Got Talent star Susan Boyle stunned fans today when she unveiled her controversial new image. Boyle shunned the advice of stylists who tried to persuade her to go with a kooky Lady Gaga style and instead opted for the image of her favourite pinup G**y G*****r (whose name cannot be entered into any computer in full, as it leads to your computer being confiscated and given a thorough investigation). Susan Boyle’s hairdresser offered us a full explanation for her shocking transformation.

‘Susan is from a sleepy village and news travels slow here. In our village G**y G*****r has only just reached the top of the hit parade with his pop song ‘*’* *** ******!’ Susan loves him so much and I didn’t want to break her heart with the shocking truth. I estimated that she should find out in approximately 12 years by which time his career will have lapsed and she will be fantasising about Eddie the Eagle Edwards which I hope will soften the blow and no, I didn’t bat an eyelid when she asked for a quiff. It’s my most popular ‘do.”

Boyle is currently visiting young offender’s institutes in an attempt to decrease crime levels with a terrifying kiss-chase.