The Hills: Final Season EXCLUSIVE

The popular MTV show The Hills is approaching its 8^th season and MTV bosses have confirmed that this will be the last ever series. “They have big plans for the season finale. I think it will shock fans” an insider revealed.

The reality soap has a huge following in America and has made huge stars of its cast of “real” vacuous twenty-something’s. There will be a big surprise for all the stars when they find out that producers plan to kill off all of the characters. “To start with they were going to orchestrate a mass suicide. They had a Heavens Gate recruitment team on stand-by but if one fails to commit then there will have to be another season.”  The insider continued, “So now they’re going to tell them all they’re going to Cancun, film them getting over excited, packing their bags, having a laugh and then they’re going to crash the plane into the Hollywood sign and kill everyone on board. There will probably be a sad Coldplay song playing in the background and then we’ll show a montage of how spoilt they were when they were alive, you know so viewers don’t complain.” MTV believe this could bring in their highest viewing figures since Jodie Marsh’s wedding.

MTV held auditions last month for the role of Incompetent Pilot. Auditions saw record numbers of desperate actors queuing all the way down Hollywood Boulevard for their chance of making it big. “It’s the role of a lifetime,” said one eager unemployed actor, “It’s going to get the biggest viewing figures ever. I’d be destined for stardom”, he posed. MTV are hoping, along with everyone else in the world, that Peaches Geldof will agree to star in the season finale. “She can sit next to the pilot as far as I’m concerned” a producer spouted. Her Dad, Sir Bob, couldn’t agree more, “She’s a good for nothing jumped up little twat. If only I’d paid as much attention to my own children as I had those Africans.” He giggled.

Lisa Scott Lee Acts & Releases New Album

Former Steps beauty Lisa Scott-Lee vowed never to make any more music after failing a mission set by MTV for the show Totally Scott-Lee. Determined Lisa has worked hard to remain in the public eye and now has a successful career in television after failing to win Dancing on Ice and Celeb Air, Lisa has gained the lead in a brand new advert for JML where she will play a lady who suffers badly with hard skin and then she will shave it off with JML’s new Hard Skin Grater.

But that’s not all. Lisa has today announced that she will be launching a new album next month. “I’m banned from releasing music so instead I am thrilled to announce that I will be releasing a brand new photo album on Facebook. It’s a series of images from girlie nights out and it follows on from last month’s album Randoms!, and this month’s More Randoms! They both went down a treat with my fans so I think I might call this one Randomness or something really funny and original because that’s what I’m like. I’m a right mad twat.”

Unfortunately, Lisa will not be starring in panto this year as she has not been offered a role. However, her fans will be able to see her at the Perfume Shop in Newcastle’s Metro Centre every Saturday between 9am to 5pm. Lisa urges fans not to mob her until she has finished her shift as she doesn’t want to get the sack. 

Here’s the song that ruined Lisa’s life because it didn’t go top ten. The lyrics are hilarious. Help Lisa get her job back. Download it today!

Dear MTV

I lead a wild life and I’m sure your viewers would be interested in watching me and the boys crazy pave gardens and driveways. It’s not as straight forward as you might think. There are a team of three of us lads and we work mostly six day weeks but don’t worry, we party hard. On Thursdays we play darts for the same team and on Saturday nights, depending on whether or not we can get baby-sitters, we go clubbing at the local pub. It’s laugh a minute it honestly is. We’re like brothers and a lot of our customers have said that we should be on television because we have great chemistry and we are genuinely funny guys. I’m always playing practical jokes on the lads and they love it. We’re saving up for a lads holiday which you would be more than welcome to film.

I have seen an accountant and am coming to London for a meeting with an agent on September 22nd and could easily call in and see you to discuss arrangements. You’d love our van it says Totally Crazy Paving on it and has a photograph of me holding a trowel on it. Sometimes when I’m out people shout, ‘it’s that fella off the van’, which can be annoying but it’s all in the name of fame, if that’s your game (LOL)

I’ll look forward to hearing from you. The lads are bricking it that they might be on television. Bricking? I say, you should be Totally Crazy Paving.

Love from Leigh

Kerry Katona

There are many reasons why Kerry qualifies for this week’s Celebrity tit. Here are a few…

1. Being in Atomic Kitten.

2. Leaving Atomic Kitten.

3. Being on I’m a Celebrity…

4. The Iceland adverts.

5. Being so vocal about where she likes to stick her tongue.

6. Having an MTV show about being ‘crazy’.

7. Using bi-polar as an excuse for being ‘crazy’ and drunk.

8. The This Morning appearance.

9. Lying about being a drunk on the This Morning appearance.

10. Having an MTV show based around her having her tits reduced.

11. Her Husband.

The above image is taken from Kerry’s 2009 Calender. £4.99 from specialist stores. All proceeds of which go towards buying her husband another new car.

see with your own eyes why she’s such a tit…

Lisa Scott-Lee’s Changing Rooms

Former Steps songstress Lisa Scott-Lee has today announced that she plans to redecorate her dining room. She told us exclusively, “I think I’ll probably paint it plum and I’ve seen a new dining table that I’d like. It’s dead nice.”