Dear Sophie Ellis Bextor

 

You disgust me. I wait patiently for you to release your album and over the weeks save £12 thinking that that would be enough. Upon its release I find out you are charging £15.99. Where the hell am I supposed to get that kind of money? I’ll tell you where, I had to turn to crime to buy your CD Sophie. I bet you don’t like the sound of that do you? I literally had to steal the extra £4 from an old lady’s purse in the care home in which I work for a pittance. I contemplated putting the money back but there was a huge investigation and a Malasian immigrant was fired as a result and then the old lady died so I couldn’t. I can not afford to lose my job when CD’s are so expensive.

My anger doesn’t end there I’m afraid Soph. When you released the single that was not on the CD I thought ‘fair enough Sophie Ellis Bextor will be releasing a new CD soon with another 10 or so tracks on it, I’d better get saving my money so I don’t have to steal again.’ Then what did you do Sophie? I’ll tell you what you did. You re-released the album that I paid £15.99 for and stuck your new single on the end with another fucking song. My blood was boiling Sophie. I was livid when the staff in Woolworths refused to swap my shit CD for the new one with extra tracks. So much so that I kicked the Manager on duty and spat in his face. I don’t work 4 twelve hour shifts a week, wiping mucky arseholes and lifting fat bastards in and out of baths to be treated like a piece of shit!

Anger aside, I think your album is brilliant and I am really pleased that you stopped Posh from getting to number one. I have managed to tape your new songs off the radio but the DJ’s always talk during the fade out which makes me really mad. ‘Murder on the Dancefloor’ is fabulous. Keep up the good work.

Love from Leigh

I got a big signed photograph with Hello Leigh! Love Sophie on the front and on the back it said this:

P.S – I haven’t forgotten that some fans bought the original album. All new tracks will be released as singles. I won’t do it again with the next album! Sx.

I’m not sure if there was a ‘next’ album but her face sure looked beautiful on the side of them Monsoon carrier bags. I love you Sophie X