Sex and the City Sequel: SPOILER ALERT!

Girls who like nothing more than bags and shoes will be absolutely delighted that their favourite show that became a blockbuster movie is now becoming a sequel.

 

Sex and the City was a very popular movie and thrilled millions of ladies who ask for nothing from films apart from bags, shoes and wafer thin plots. Producers are hoping to duplicate the financial success of the original by broadening the appeal of the brand. “We’ve been looking at what’s popular at the box office as we are trying to broaden Sex and the City appeal. At the moment the appeal is limited to culturally ignorant and materialistic women that lack substance, luckily for us there are millions of those out there and they are very eager to splash their cash on Carrie and the girls. They don’t care about the plot because they just want to see some nice frocks and we decided to test the audiences by getting a blind woman to dress Carrie in the original and the women lapped it up. They’re pathetic and rubbish at driving,” laughed one of the producers.

 

Following the recent success of Slumdog Millionaire, it became apparent to the producers that throughout the economic crisis, audiences thrive on seeing severe poverty and depravation. With this in mind Sex and the City 2 will take place in the slums. The characters will fly to India after Miranda falls in love, via the internet, with a call centre worker. When the girls get off the plane their bags are stolen, Miranda is conned out of millions of pounds and the girls have no choice but to live in the slums. Fear not, Sex and the City fans, although the famous city is gone, tonnes of sex is guaranteed as Samantha will sex her way out of the slums and the other girls will follow suit. Producers don’t want to alienate fans of the original so in response to online petitions there will be plenty of shoes and bags, a moral dilemma, heart break, love and a valuable life lesson. The script will also be littered with witty one-liners about fellatio, pubic hair, penis size and discharge. Also included will be a scene in which Carrie gets her heel stuck in some mud and falls over as this will guarantee a hearty laugh from fans of the original.

 

Miley Cyrus will also join the girls. Following the success of her Asian impersonation last month, Miley has been cast as a poor Indian lady whose dream of becoming a shoe designer in New York City becomes a heart-warming and feelgood reality.

Miley Cyrus

Oops a Miley! The Hannah Montana star forgot the words to her new song ‘Fly on the Wall’ when she performed it live on Saturday night to an audience of over 20 Billion people (including Asians).

A spokesman from racism charity whatarewegoingtodecideisracistandwhoarewegoingtolynchpubliclythisweek.org was pleased with the result. “I couldn’t stop laughing,” he said. “Miley really screwed up when she pulled a racist face and now she’s screwing up her career.” He continued with a serious warning to all parents and pop fans. “Miley Cyrus is a dangerous racist. She is hypnotising your children with her Disney spell and is trying to increase her popularity through pop. Your children are watching her TV show and singing her songs. Your children are wearing Hannah Montana dress-up clothes so they can look exactly like her and then your children will progress to doing Miley’s dirty work for her when she orders a mass genocide. It’s got to stop! I have to go now or I’ll miss my bus.”

Watch Miley screw up below. It’s around 1.10.

Miley Cyrus in race row with Asian chum

Miley Cyrus, who is best known for playing schizophrenic teen queen Hannah Montana is today at the centre of a controversial race row.

 

In a moment of unbridled craziness Miley shockingly bet her Asian friend Wan Cok Suq her fifty million dollar fortune that she would be able to get to the Five and Dime store before her. The pair shook hands and Miley shot ahead, disappearing into the distance and leaving Wan Cok alone and struggling. Unfortunately, for Wan Cok, she was born with one badly misshapen leg which affected her ability to run but nothing could stop the Asian chum from trying her best and hobbling.

 

Miley, who was in the lead by yards, was so sure of her victory that she decided to take a quiet nap beneath a picturesque tree. Wan Coq couldn’t believe her luck as she agonizingly hobbled toward the tree and saw her opponent deep in slumber. Wan Coq momentarily muted her bloodcurdling screams of torturous pain, so that she wouldn’t disturb the sleeping singer. Two hours later, a delirious Wan Coq was overcome with joy when she realised that she’d pipped the pop princess to the post. To celebrate her winnings Wan Coq bought the Five and Dime store and turned it into a castle of dreams where she now lives.

 

Miley is yet to comment on her loss because she’s too angry and she is also in huge trouble with the Chief Executive of the OCA. ““Not only has Miley Cyrus encouraged and legitimised the taunting and mocking of people of Asian descent, she has also insulted her many Asian Pacific American fans. If she’s going to give her fifty million dollar fortune to an Asian, at least give it to one with legs that work properly. We hope that Miley Cyrus will apologise to her fans and the APA community for this lapse in judgment and takes the opportunity to better understand why the gesture is offensive.” Wan Coq was shocked at the reaction of the Chief Executive and issued her own statement. “Those c***s are just jealous of my furs and my diamonds and my grills. Slow and steady wins the race Bitches.” She screamed. It is fair to say that money has changed the once timid Asian.