Mariah’s Chart Battle

Mariah Carey and Westife will go head to head this week in the most controversial chart battle ever. Both will be releasing the same cover version on the same day and, throughout the week, fight out the battle for the number one spot.

Asked on how they were going to win the fight, Westlife’s Shane said “I’m going to punch her in the throat. Kevin is going to wind her. The blonde one is going to kick her and the gay one is going to give her a good old bitch slap.”

Mariah, who was blessed with her beautiful voice after accidentally banging her front bum on a table corner, is rumoured to be taking advantage of America’s relaxed firearms policy. We will find out who wins the battle when it’s announced on Hospital Radio this Sunday.