As much as I enjoy your morning magazine show, I do feel that it’s time you started branching out into other areas. I have spent A LOT of time creating a few ideas for you. I don’t know if you’ll like them or not. I suppose we will just have to wait and see WON’T WE? Here are my suggestions now…

Firstly there’s LORRAINE’S LUNCHTIME CHAT Whic is about you interviewing celebrities about weight and health issues. The show will feature a live phone in where viewers will be able to tell you EXACTLY what’s going on where they live – the most interesting story wins a LUNCHTIME CHAT MUG and some vouchers. There will also be a catalogue review where you go through catalogues and tell viewers which one is best. Also while the show is going on, a guest chef will be cooking a surprise lunch and you taste it before the show finishes and tell the viewers if you like it or not. If you do, the chef wins a small prize and some vouchers. If not, unfortunately Lorraine, they go home empty-handed.

BABYLOVE WITH LORRAINE KELLY – Is where Mums come on and discuss EXACTLY what it is like to be a Mum. Personally, I have no interest in this show whatsoever but I asked someone down my street who has just had a baby and she said she would watch it but she normally walks her dog at about 12.30pm so it would be better for her if it was on a little bit later such as 1pm, when she gets back. She wouldn’t be able to watch on Thursdays because she goes to Baby Massage at the Health Centre and she’s on holiday for two weeks in August but I told her I would tape it for her and she agreed and gave me four blank 4hr video cassettes. She also told me that young Mothers are crying out for an interactive programme where they can share nurturing secrets because when she came home from hospital she didn’t even know how to change a nappy and she said that there is not enough financial support for young mums – she is 14 but fifteen next week. Prizes can be given away before and after the breaks. Prizes include nappies and bibs – to make mum’s lives easier. Perhaps Victoria Beckham could do a daily slot on what it’s like to be a working mum and she could call her slot POSH’S DAILY DIARY or VICTORIA’S SECRETS or something else. I’m sorry Lorraine but under no circumstances is she allowed to sing because I can’t bare it! In order for men to watch this programme you will have to appeal to them with a daily SPOT THE BALL competition for MEN ONLY and you can reward them with money, toiletries, alcohol, footballs, etc.

Another idea which is a bit like HEARTS OF GOLD is KELLY’S HEROES where you scour the country for brave people and give them a heart of gold which you will pin onto their clothes before telling them to sit down. The bravest person is awarded with a crown and has to stand on a little stage with winner written on the front of it and then fireworks go off. If a child wins, there will be balloons instead of fireworks . I once burnt myself on a sparkler and would hate to see this happen to someone else. I was okay though because I rinsed it under a cold tap and then put a bandage on it. It was a bit sore for a couple of days but now it’s better.

Anyway I hope you like my ideas Lorraine. I expect no thanks but would like to know which of my ideas you are going to do first because I will have to tell my friends who think I am useless and will never do anything good. Can I have a photograph of you please and I will be able to show it to my friends and then they will know.

Love from Leigh Clark