Lisa Scott-Lee Tragedy

Happy Christmas from Lisa Scott (&) Leigh

Lisa Scott Lee may have a failed pop career behind her and lost every reality television competition she’s competed in but the former Steps beauty has finally struck gold following the launch of her new perfume Deficiency!

Lisa launched the perfume in the branch of the Perfume Shop where she has a Saturday job. “It was literally flying off the shelves,” she smiled. Lisa has always been great at Chemistry and brewed up the smell using an old chemistry set that she found in her loft. Lisa is remaining tight lipped over the ingredients. “If I told you I’d have to kill you,” she snarled.

Lisa is thrilled with the success of the perfume and hopes to launch her own beauty range in the new-year. Deficiency! can be bought from the Perfume Shop in the Metro Centre, Newcastle or click here to buy a bottle.

UPDATE

Former Steps beauty Lisa Scott Lee suffered a great Tragedy today when her perfume Deficiency! was withdrawn from the shelves. The 369 people who have bought the product have been hospitalised with severe burns and now stand to be seriously disfigured for the rest of their lives. Mum of four, Jackqueueie, 20 unfortunately lost half of her face and is anxiously awaiting an operation to transfer excess skin from her thighs. “It’s devastating” She told us. “It’ll ruin Christmas. Thankfully I wasn’t very pretty in the first place so it could be worse. I just want my kids to stop screaming when they see me,” she chuckled. Deborah, 48 luckily only sprayed it onto her wrist but as a result lost a hand. “Yes, I’m upset but you’d be amazed what they can do with prosthetics nowadays,” she quipped.

The bad news doesn’t end there at the last count 4759 people have had a serious allergic reaction to the perfume and died after so much as a whiff. The fatalities are increasing rapidly as the corpses are excreting a deadly mucus that can kill anyone and everyone within a 2 mile radius. Lisa is still optimistic about her career, as she was dragged from her home by armed police she told us “It’s better to have tried and failed than not tried at all.”

NEWS JUST IN

Lucky Lisa Scott Lee was released without charge today as news emerged that the fatalities, as mentioned in the previous update, have made a full recovery and are now completely alive. There are however health concerns regarding the reincarnated as most of them have developed a grey discolouration of the skin and the pupils in their eyes have turned completely white. On a positive note they are all moving but at a very slow physical pace. Lisa is delighted at the news. “Being in the cells was just inspiring,” she nudged. “I managed to write some new songs and choreograph some great routines. I also learned how to punch a woman, knock her unconscious & steal her purse. I’m glad to be out because I’ve got a hair appointment.” Lisa will be touring primary schools next year to teach children her new skills. To book Lisa for your school click here.

NEWS JUST IN: UPDATE

Lisa Scott Lee is in back in the cells again tonight following what can only be described as a brutal massacre carried out by the reincarnated victims of Lisa’s toxic Deficiency! perfume. It would seem that the affected have developed a taste for human blood and the ravenous thousands descended towards the nations capital and, following sun down, savagely murdered over 18,000 people by biting their necks or tearing out their heart. An onlooker said “It was awful, there were people running around screaming. Nobody really knew what was going on and then suddenly there was blood everywhere. I managed to run into comet and steal a 50” plasma and nobody could hear the alarm go off because of the screaming. So I was quite pleased really.” He winked. Lisa made an announcement to the press last night. “I am going to write an autobiography because, after all this, I think people might finally be interested in what I’ve got to say.” She sniffed. Following an immediate outpouring of negativity from all publishing houses, Lisa changed her mind. “I’ll just write a song about it then” she huffed. At this point MTV bosses stepped in and reminded her she was banned from releasing any music. “I’ll do a dance about it then… on ice or something.” She concluded.

Duracell ain’t got nothin’ on this bitch. Watch her with 10,000 volts through her head, or so she claims. Download the single NOW. Who cares if she’s responsible for all that death. It’s christmas, give Scott-Lee a chance.

Lisa Scott Lee Acts & Releases New Album

Former Steps beauty Lisa Scott-Lee vowed never to make any more music after failing a mission set by MTV for the show Totally Scott-Lee. Determined Lisa has worked hard to remain in the public eye and now has a successful career in television after failing to win Dancing on Ice and Celeb Air, Lisa has gained the lead in a brand new advert for JML where she will play a lady who suffers badly with hard skin and then she will shave it off with JML’s new Hard Skin Grater.

But that’s not all. Lisa has today announced that she will be launching a new album next month. “I’m banned from releasing music so instead I am thrilled to announce that I will be releasing a brand new photo album on Facebook. It’s a series of images from girlie nights out and it follows on from last month’s album Randoms!, and this month’s More Randoms! They both went down a treat with my fans so I think I might call this one Randomness or something really funny and original because that’s what I’m like. I’m a right mad twat.”

Unfortunately, Lisa will not be starring in panto this year as she has not been offered a role. However, her fans will be able to see her at the Perfume Shop in Newcastle’s Metro Centre every Saturday between 9am to 5pm. Lisa urges fans not to mob her until she has finished her shift as she doesn’t want to get the sack. 

Here’s the song that ruined Lisa’s life because it didn’t go top ten. The lyrics are hilarious. Help Lisa get her job back. Download it today!

Dear Mario

We couldn’t believe when you were voted off Big Brother, I was gutted and my wife actually cried. You were so entertaining and amazingly intelligent. I can’t believe how experienced you are and how much you have packed into your life. Yours and Lisa’s enthusiasm for life has made me feel really ambitious and I am booked in to go paragliding with my wife after she has our baby. We’re so excited. I really admire the way you interacted with the other housemates you were always very respectable and mature which I feel the other contestants lacked and I think that you are a great role model to any youngster watching.

You and Lisa are the perfect couple and I hope that when you get married they televise it. I can remember when they televised Princess Diana’s wedding and it was phenomenal. I am sure your wedding would get a similar response as I know so many people that admire and respect you. I think it would be fantastic if you got your own show on television. You and Lisa could be the next Richard and Judy as they have just left Channel 4.

As I mentioned earlier, My wife and I are having a baby. We found out at the scan that we are having a little boy and I am proud to tell you that we have decided to call him Mario Marconi Beckham Clark, in honor of you and David Beckham who we also admire greatly and is a distant cousin of my wife. The birth is expected on 3rd of November and we are having a Christening ceremony in January (date is yet to be confirmed) I’m not sure if David & Victoria will be there because they live in L.A now and he is tied up with L.A Galaxy but we have had confirmation from Dave and Sarah (his mum and dad). I know we have never met but as you can probably tell from my letter, I think of you as a hero and would be so very honored if you and Lisa could possibly join us for the Christening of our little boy. I will understand if you can’t make it as I’m sure your careers will have really taken off by next January and I doubt you’ll be able to fit us into your hectic schedule. However Mario the offer is there and we would love our son to meet his namesake.

May we please have a signed photograph of you Mario? You are so inspirational, attractive and charismatic. Television and the world of entertainment needs more people like you and less people like Graham Norton.

Thanks so much. I look forward to hearing from you.