Lisa Scott-Lee Follows in Beyonce’s footsteps

Singing Steps sexpot Lisa Scott Lee held a press conference today to announce that she will be following in the footsteps of pop megastars Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez.

 

Lisa, who has failed every reality contest she has taken part in, took to the stage at a top secret primary school in her hometown of Rhyl to make the announcement. Unfortunately, the school hall had been double-booked and Lisa has to share the stage with the tombola for the school fate that was also taking place today. Luckily the hall cleared as soon as Lisa grabbed the microphone and she was able to announce her exciting news to an anxious onlooker.

 

“You may have read in the press over the past few years that stars such as Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez have insured their legs and posterior for millions of dollars. Well, I am so pleased to announce that I am following in their footsteps by not only insuring the contents of my house but I am insuring my car too.”

 

Lisa will be scanning any documents she receives and then placing them in a facebook photo album called “Insurance policies and other random stuff”. Also featured in the album, due to popular demand, is a picture of Lisa with a Shetland pony that was taken by her dad (above).

Michelle Heaton: Bitch in knickers

Lisa Scott-Lee’s ex sister in law Michelle Heaton announced last night that she is launching her own exclusive range of underwear.

 

Michelle has been working hard on the design since unceremoniously leaving the Celebrity Big Brother house. Michelle is very excited about the project. “I’ve been a singer and a television star and I like to dip my finger into different pies. Now I’ve got my fingers in knickers.” She gagged.

 

Michelle will face a lot of competition as the market is full of celebrity endorsed underwear. How will Michelle’s range fare alongside Kathy Staff’s tights and the Heather Mills stocking? “I’ve got my knickers in a twist or should I say there’s a twist to my knickers,” joked the Liberty X star. “I’ve had to look for a gap in the market and there are loads of knickers available for women so it got me thinking who else wears knickers?”

 

Michelle’s underwear will be called the Heat On range and will be designed for dogs on heat. “Dogs can make a hell of a mess when they’re on heat” she wept “I just thought it was about time something was done about it. I’ve got a Labrador and a cream carpet, you do the math.” Poor Michelle’s carpet woes came to a halt when she put a pair of her old knickers on the pup. “Hey presto,” she rejoiced “The mess was all in one spot and my furniture stain free. I felt inspired and thought it was my duty as a celebrity to help people all over the world with this global problem.”

 

Michelle’s Heat On underwear range will be launched next month at Pet World. Lucky bitches all over the country will be able to take their pick from a range of glamorous designs. “Don’t call them that please, I find it really disrespectful towards women.” Begged the ex sister in law of Lisa Scott Lee.

Lisa Scott-Lee threatens to quit showbiz

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Poor Lisa Scott-Lee is threatening to turn her back on fame unless the paparazzi pay her more attention. “It’s so annoying,” she said. “If I’m signing an autograph for a disabled or overweight fan I need to be photographed doing it. Otherwise, what’s the point?”

 

Busty Lisa sunbathed topless on holiday last year and waited so long for the paparazzi to turn up that she ended up suffering from a violent case of Tanners Nipple™. “It was dark by the time they got there and my nips were burnt to a crisp,” she said, but scabby Lisa wasn’t the only one to suffer that day. “I thought it would only take five minutes to get snapped so I left my dog in the car with the windows up and the poor thing was dead by the time I got back. The paparazzi just don’t realise what they’re doing to us famous folk,” she lisped.

 

Lisa has definitely noticed a change in the pap’s since the height of her fame in Steps. She told us, “Once, I went to a celebrity Gala or it could’ve been Gala Bingo and when I got out of the taxi I had a flap hanging out and they were in there like a flash. Honestly, they were like flies on shit.”

 

Lisa Plans to headline a campaign for tighter restrictions on how the paparazzi operate. “They’ve already killed Diana and they’re not killing me,” She screamed. Funnily enough Lisa didn’t mean Queen of Hearts Princess Diana. “Oh no,” she said. “The Queen killed her. No, I meant my dog Diana who died in the car whilst I burnt my tits.”

 

Lisa Scott-Lee Tragedy

 

Happy Christmas from Lisa Scott (&) Leigh

 

Lisa Scott Lee may have a failed pop career behind her and lost every reality television competition she’s competed in but the former Steps beauty has finally struck gold following the launch of her new perfume Deficiency!

 

Lisa launched the perfume in the branch of the Perfume Shop where she has a Saturday job. “It was literally flying off the shelves,” she smiled. Lisa has always been great at Chemistry and brewed up the smell using an old chemistry set that she found in her loft. Lisa is remaining tight lipped over the ingredients. “If I told you I’d have to kill you,” she snarled.

 

Lisa is thrilled with the success of the perfume and hopes to launch her own beauty range in the new-year. Deficiency! can be bought from the Perfume Shop in the Metro Centre, Newcastle or click here to buy a bottle.

 

UPDATE

 

Former Steps beauty Lisa Scott Lee suffered a great Tragedy today when her perfume Deficiency! was withdrawn from the shelves. The 369 people who have bought the product have been hospitalised with severe burns and now stand to be seriously disfigured for the rest of their lives. Mum of four, Jackqueueie, 20 unfortunately lost half of her face and is anxiously awaiting an operation to transfer excess skin from her thighs. “It’s devastating” She told us. “It’ll ruin Christmas. Thankfully I wasn’t very pretty in the first place so it could be worse. I just want my kids to stop screaming when they see me,” she chuckled. Deborah, 48 luckily only sprayed it onto her wrist but as a result lost a hand. “Yes, I’m upset but you’d be amazed what they can do with prosthetics nowadays,” she quipped.

 

The bad news doesn’t end there at the last count 4759 people have had a serious allergic reaction to the perfume and died after so much as a whiff. The fatalities are increasing rapidly as the corpses are excreting a deadly mucus that can kill anyone and everyone within a 2 mile radius. Lisa is still optimistic about her career, as she was dragged from her home by armed police she told us “It’s better to have tried and failed than not tried at all.”

 

NEWS JUST IN

 

Lucky Lisa Scott Lee was released without charge today as news emerged that the fatalities, as mentioned in the previous update, have made a full recovery and are now completely alive. There are however health concerns regarding the reincarnated as most of them have developed a grey discolouration of the skin and the pupils in their eyes have turned completely white. On a positive note they are all moving but at a very slow physical pace. Lisa is delighted at the news. “Being in the cells was just inspiring,” she nudged. “I managed to write some new songs and choreograph some great routines. I also learned how to punch a woman, knock her unconscious & steal her purse. I’m glad to be out because I’ve got a hair appointment.” Lisa will be touring primary schools next year to teach children her new skills. To book Lisa for your school click here.

 

NEWS JUST IN: UPDATE

Lisa Scott Lee is in back in the cells again tonight following what can only be described as a brutal massacre carried out by the reincarnated victims of Lisa’s toxic Deficiency! perfume. It would seem that the affected have developed a taste for human blood and the ravenous thousands descended towards the nations capital and, following sun down, savagely murdered over 18,000 people by biting their necks or tearing out their heart. An onlooker said “It was awful, there were people running around screaming. Nobody really knew what was going on and then suddenly there was blood everywhere. I managed to run into comet and steal a 50” plasma and nobody could hear the alarm go off because of the screaming. So I was quite pleased really.” He winked. Lisa made an announcement to the press last night. “I am going to write an autobiography because, after all this, I think people might finally be interested in what I’ve got to say.” She sniffed. Following an immediate outpouring of negativity from all publishing houses, Lisa changed her mind. “I’ll just write a song about it then” she huffed. At this point MTV bosses stepped in and reminded her she was banned from releasing any music. “I’ll do a dance about it then… on ice or something.” She concluded.

 

Duracell ain’t got nothin’ on this bitch. Watch her with 10,000 volts through her head, or so she claims. Download the single NOW. Who cares if she’s responsible for all that death. It’s christmas, give Scott-Lee a chance.

Lisa Scott Lee Acts & Releases New Album

Former Steps beauty Lisa Scott-Lee vowed never to make any more music after failing a mission set by MTV for the show Totally Scott-Lee. Determined Lisa has worked hard to remain in the public eye and now has a successful career in television after failing to win Dancing on Ice and Celeb Air, Lisa has gained the lead in a brand new advert for JML where she will play a lady who suffers badly with hard skin and then she will shave it off with JML’s new Hard Skin Grater.

 

But that’s not all. Lisa has today announced that she will be launching a new album next month. “I’m banned from releasing music so instead I am thrilled to announce that I will be releasing a brand new photo album on Facebook. It’s a series of images from girlie nights out and it follows on from last month’s album Randoms!, and this month’s More Randoms! They both went down a treat with my fans so I think I might call this one Randomness or something really funny and original because that’s what I’m like. I’m a right mad twat.”

 

Unfortunately, Lisa will not be starring in panto this year as she has not been offered a role. However, her fans will be able to see her at the Perfume Shop in Newcastle’s Metro Centre every Saturday between 9am to 5pm. Lisa urges fans not to mob her until she has finished her shift as she doesn’t want to get the sack. 

 

Here’s the song that ruined Lisa’s life because it didn’t go top ten. The lyrics are hilarious. Help Lisa get her job back. Download it today!

Lisa Scott-Lee’s Changing Rooms

Former Steps songstress Lisa Scott-Lee has today announced that she plans to redecorate her dining room. She told us exclusively, “I think I’ll probably paint it plum and I’ve seen a new dining table that I’d like. It’s dead nice.”