I am a huge fan and admire all of the incredible work that you have done over the years. But I write basically asking for your help.
Two years ago I won a competition, which enabled me to have a full day photo shoot with a top international photographer named Vidal Marquis. I have always dreamed of becoming a male model but have had no success as most agencies have rejected me due to my height and my lazy eye. However, Vidal took some great photographs that day and said I was entitled to keep only one of them but if I wanted the others I would have to pay a grand total of nine hundred and eighty six pounds. This covered reproduction fees and paid for his internationally renowned name to be printed beneath the print. After years of trying to break into the business I saw these pictures as an opportunity to become recognised in the modelling world. After all, who would be able to turn me down following my association with Vidal Marquis? I therefore gave Vidal all of my bank and credit card details enabling him to do a credit check. I left his studio in Bradford that day elated that soon I would have the likes of Kevin Kline and Eves Sir Laraunt at my feet. I was told that I would receive the photographs along with an exclusive folder in the following six to twelve weeks. When I arrived home that night I showed my mother the photograph and a tear welled in her eye as she said that for the first time in her life she thought I would be able to make something of myself. She said the picture was perfect.
Twelve weeks later I had received no prints. Yet, my bank balance was non-existent and the whole two-thousand pounds credit on my visa had been spent. The credit card company claimed that the card cover plan, which I paid five pounds per month for, was not valid, as I shouldn’t have given him my pin number. But I trusted him Kate. Why shouldn’t I, he had worked with some of the worlds greats such as yourself, Madonna and Linda La Plant. Of course I didn’t want to act unprofessional so I gave him everything he requested. At the moment I am working every hour god sends at the petrol station to pay off my debts and help my mum pay the mortgage, as she was made redundant from her cleaning Job at Natwest last year. Life is terrible at the moment but I feel it could be easily resolved if only I could get my hands on those photographs. Agencies are still turning me down as they say the one picture I have doesn’t count as a portfolio. I have been signed by Hull Glamour, who also have Claire Spinks (Miss Beverley Advertiser 1999) on their books, but they have failed to get me any work as yet. I also model once a month at Curls by Design Unisex Salon where I get a free trim and colour if I choose.
Vidal mentioned how much he enjoyed working with you and said that you meet up regularly to discuss changes in fashion and make up. I have no way of getting in touch with him because he moved out of the Bradford studio and his mobile number is defunct, so I was wondering if possible, the next time you see him can you please ask him to send me the photographs as I feel like my life is on hold. Just to refresh his memory I wore the ripped jeans and held onto some tyres in the free shot and in the others did a succession of poses from wearing a suit and looking upset, acting coy behind the tree, and being sexually ambiguous on a fur rug. Please stress the importance of these photographs Kate, if I don’t get out of the petrol Station soon I don’t know what I’ll do. I began working there when I was twenty, I thought it would be temporary, but sixteen years later I still see the same faces day in, day out. If Vidal refuses to part with the pictures, I know this is a bit out of order Kate but could you possibly borrow them from his file and photocopy them for me. I would do anything for those pictures and I mean anything. Thanks so much for your help Kate. You are so lucky. Hopefully one day I’ll see you on the catwalk.
Love from Leigh
Now that Angus Deyton has stolen her fashion crown, and her clothes line at Topshop is as popular as prescription shoes, Kate may find time to send me a reply. I’ll keep you posted.
Famous Celebrity Abi Titmuss is making a bid for the number one slot this Christmas when she releases a charity single. Abi, who’s number one slot is available for all to see on the internet, has decided to donate all of the proceeds to blind children.
Abi has been working hard for the past six months learning how to read and write in Braille. Abi held a press conference today where she told us “I decided to make this record unique from all other Christmas records by writing it in Braille so the lyrics will mean more to the blind children.” The song Have a Very Abi Titmuss, is due for release on Monday. Abi’s charity work doesn’t stop there, she told us. “I have learnt how to read in Braille and I will be touring the country next year reading stories to blind children.” Asked what makes blind children so special to her. Abi, dressed only in knickers and a saucy bra replied “I like them because they are the only people that don’t judge me on my appearance. Most people think I’m all tits and no brain because they judge me on my dress sense. When people find out I’ve been learning Braille to read to blind children, I think they’ll change their minds.”
Abi is set to go head to head with another famous busty blonde when former Coronation Street barmaid Bet Lynch releases her Christmas single Have a Julie Goodyear on the same day. The proceeds of Julie’s sales will go towards damp proofing her flat.
I am a huge fan of you Nell and I love you so much but I don’t think that you would like me if you were a real girl because I don’t think I am your type and I’m not a qualified mechanic yet because I have not finished my apprenticeship at the garage that I work at.
I am seventeen and I have a corner at work where I have to sit when I have my break because apprentices aren’t allowed to sit with the real mechanics until they are qualified. I’m doing really well at college so I think I will be qualified one day. Most of the lads at work have pictures of skanky birds on their walls and I don’t like these pictures because they are not respectable for women. I had a picture of you on my wall but last week whilst I was eating my sandwiches, one of the lads, who shall remain nameless, came over to my corner and laughed at your picture and said that a fat and spotty virgin would never get a fit bird like you (Nell McAndrew), he meant me Nell and I was really upset because I am not a virgin and I have told the lads loads of times that I am not but they just say its against the law to sleep with your cousin but it wasn’t my cousin, it was my cousins step-sister so I am not related to her AT ALL.
What upset me more than anything though was that after saying that mean stuff about me and you Carl took the lid off my Yoplait and threw it on your picture and said something really disrespectable to women and it ruined the poster as well as leaving a bit of a stain on my overall which made all the other lads laugh cos they said it looked like dry spunk.
Anyway I am writing to you because I haven’t got anymore pictures of you to put up because on the same day the above happened and I got home from work I noticed that my Mum had thrown all of my magazines away. I went mad because all my pictures of you have gone and I had a huge row with my mum about it and she said that she threw them away because pictures of women like you are the reason that teenage boy’s bedrooms stink. This was the worst day of my entire life.
I am living at my grandma’s house now. I don’t ever want to speak to my mum again. I hope she has a heart attack. I was wondering if you had any spare pictures of you that I could have. If not I could buy one off you, I don’t mind. I earn £35 a week so I could afford one. I am your biggest fan Nell and I hope you don’t mind me telling you that I love you forever more.
Love from Leigh Clark
Nell sent me two gorgeous pictures of herself wearing not much. One of them was a proper Autograph card and the other she had pulled out of a copy of Loaded magazine was specifically to replace the ‘yoplait’ picture and it said…
To Leigh and all the lads Big Kiss! Nell McAndrew
What a beautiful woman!
