Dear Tamzin Outhwaite
February 20, 2009 by admin
Filed under Dear Celebrity Love from Leigh
Please for God’s sake will you solve a problem for me? Every time someone comes round to our house my Mum gets her photographs out from her caravan holiday in Bridlington last year. She reckons that you were staying in the caravan next to hers and that you had gone to Brid’ to escape the hectic celebrity lifestyle that you lead in London.
According to my Mum, you went to breakfast together every morning for a fortnight, you went to see a Status Quo tribute act together and you won a travel iron at the camp raffle. I have seen the pictures and I don’t for one second believe that it’s you. However my Mum insists that it is, she is always talking about you and I am fed up of hearing about it.I think the woman was a fraud as the autographs she brought back also said Tazmin on them and you and I are both aware that this is NOT your name. She told my Mum that you and Ian Beale had a steamy real-life affair, she left nothing to the imagination which shocked my Mum as she is a devout Catholic and always thought that Ian was a timid character in real life. She said that you had to end the affair after a big fight with Gillian Taylforth, who didn’t approve and you put this down to jealousy. She also told my Mum that the reason you are leaving Eastenders is because Sharon Watts is coming back and she wanted you sacked before she returned because she hates you. Is any of this true?
According to my Mum, you went to breakfast together every morning for a fortnight, you went to see a Status Quo tribute act together and you won a travel iron at the camp raffle. I have seen the pictures and I don’t for one second believe that it’s you. However my Mum insists that it is, she is always talking about you and I am fed up of hearing about it.I think the woman was a fraud as the autographs she brought back also said Tazmin on them and you and I are both aware that this is NOT your name. She told my Mum that you and Ian Beale had a steamy real-life affair, she left nothing to the imagination which shocked my Mum as she is a devout Catholic and always thought that Ian was a timid character in real life. She said that you had to end the affair after a big fight with Gillian Taylforth, who didn’t approve and you put this down to jealousy. She also told my Mum that the reason you are leaving Eastenders is because Sharon Watts is coming back and she wanted you sacked before she returned because she hates you. Is any of this true?
The holiday has really changed my Mum. All she talks about is bloody Tazmin. She has dyed her hair to match yours and has tons of scrapbooks full of pictures of you. Can you please clarify that this was NOT you. I’d be so grateful as you are my only hope, she will not listen to me at all. She gave my Mum a telephone number which turned out to be fake, unless you moonlight at Tile Warehouse in Bradford, but she blames herself for writing it down wrong. Please expose this fraud and then perhaps she will take down the photograph of her and Tazmin in deckchairs that has replaced the picture of my Dad who left us last year for a twenty two year old hairdresser called Craig.
Love from Leigh
Tamzin sent back a signed picture. On the back it said this….Unfortunately – it was not I in Bridlington. Have fun T x
oh yeah Tamzin, I’ll have loads of fun breaking my poor lonely mother’s heart!
Dear Michelle Collins
December 5, 2008 by admin
Filed under Dear Celebrity Love from Leigh
Please can you sort out a family argument for me? I know that you and Ian Beale are married in real life but my Dad just won’t listen to me and we’ve been arguing about it for just over a year now and things are really starting to get out of hand. My Mum got so sick of us arguing about it that she packed her bags and is now living with a man less than half her own age. Just the thought of them together makes my stomach turn Michelle.
To add to this my Dad’s sister has just developed an allergy to synthetics and she is unable to leave the house which has got my Dad well stressed so he said we had to put an end to this argument once and for all. We have agreed that if I am right I can have my neighbour’s cat when they move but if I’m wrong it will have to go to the cat protection league if there’s room or it will be put down. Please help Michelle and please could you tell Ian to ignore what the papers and all my friends say about him, I think he’s a good actor!
To add to this my Dad’s sister has just developed an allergy to synthetics and she is unable to leave the house which has got my Dad well stressed so he said we had to put an end to this argument once and for all. We have agreed that if I am right I can have my neighbour’s cat when they move but if I’m wrong it will have to go to the cat protection league if there’s room or it will be put down. Please help Michelle and please could you tell Ian to ignore what the papers and all my friends say about him, I think he’s a good actor!
Love from Leigh x
Michelle was soooo busy that she had to send out an auto-reply along with her signed picture. However Michelle’s P.A found time to help me save the poor cat’s life….
Dear Leigh
I am writing on behalf of Michelle Collins to thank you for taking the trouble to write your kind and thoughtful letter. As you would appreciate Michelle is a busy working single mum and therefore doesn’t get as much time as she would like to respond to her mail and apologises for any delay in replying.
Michelle has recently had a little more spare time so she’s not that much of a busy working single mum then is she? is delighted to enclose a signed photograph, which she sends to you with her very best wishes.
With kind regards
Yours sincerely
Damien who?
P.S Michelle and Adam weren’t married in real life!
… and through the thick fur and the loud purs, in slides the lethal injection that puts my neighbours cat to rest FOREVER!
