Katy Perry kissed a girl and America didn’t like it

Singing lesbian Katy Perry shocked the world with her hit single I Kissed a Girl because it was about how much she likes kissing girls. Katy is a one time Christian singer and her moral U-turn has created pandemonium amongst narrow minded American religious fanatics.

When the lesbian got to number one in the charts, crazed religious lunatics got whipped up into a frenzy so violent that they set fire to their own places of worship whilst still in them. Churches all over narrow minded America rapidly disappeared in protest against the lesbian anthem. “It’s okay, singing songs about kissing girls if you are a man but the first time I heard the lyrics to this song I sicked up my beef jerky and smashed my radio to bits with my fist,” said a lovely church goer. Following the mass destruction of America’s churches Katy Perry stunned the American public by announcing, “I’m not a lesbian really, they’re gross.”

A savagely burnt religious fanatic wept, “What the hell are we going to do now? Our churches are gone and our bibles are burnt to smithereens.” Katy apologised for all of the damage I Kissed a Girl had done to America, “Sorry” she said.

The riled religious freaks forgave Katy instantly and began working on their churches once more. “It’s really brought people together,” said an old anti-smoking pastor who was wearing a God Hates Fags t-shirt, “We would like to thank Katy Perry for pretending to be a lesbian because our outrage sparked a rebirth in our religious sensibilities and the building work has really brought together the communities. Our new churches are coming on nicely,” he winked.

Katy, who watched the churches being rebuilt with great interest held a press conference today. “I am a lesbian really,” she announced. “Ha! Ha!” she added.

Dear Charlotte Church

I have told my associates on countless occasions that you are called Charlotte Church because you sing like you are in church and it is a STAGE NAME ONLY.

None of the other teachers agree with me and one even called me stupid to my face. I won’t go into detail about what I did to her but there is a full investigation going on at the moment and the less said on this matter, the better, as far as I’m concerned, as due to the lack of witnesses, it is her word against mine so I think I’m in the all-clear.

Last week I really lost my rag in the staff room as my theory became the butt of everyones jokes. Well Charlotte, I HAVE HAD ENOUGH. I stood on a chair and I told them that I am so confident that your surname is a stage name that if I am wrong I will allow every teacher to give me a free punch anywhere on the body, including my face.

However, since making this announcement I have been unable to find sufficient evidence to back up my claim as most of your press releases claim that Charlotte Church is, infact, your real name. I would have a word with your agent and get this matter sorted out as newspapers can get away with printing any old rubbish.

Therefore, the reason I am writing this letter is to request hard evidence from you to prove that I am right and that the other teachers are idiots. I am so grateful for you reading this letter and wait, with baited breath, for your response. I am going through a very nasty divorce at the moment but I really enjoy your cd.

Love from Leigh Clark

Charlotte obviously cared a great deal for my welfare as she sent me a photograph that said this on it:

To Lee (that’s not how you spell it, silly cow!)

Love Charlotte Church x

P.S It IS my real name!

Cheers Charlotte!