“The script is coming along nicely” says screenwriter Mick, whose previous scripts have yet to be purchased. “I think this one will sell because it’s about Friends”. But fans are in for a big shock as Mick has already killed off two of the main characters. Phoebe dies in the first scene. “I never liked Phoebe so I killed her straight away. I want an intelligent script and Phoebe was always an idiot so the best thing to do was to get rid of her but in a way that Friends fans will love.”

Another character to get the chop is Ross. “His voice got on my nerves and his droopy eyes wind me up. He’s like a sad dog and Friends is supposed to be a comedy for Christ’s sake!” The script rejoins the cast five years after the final episode. Following Phoebe’s murder and Ross’s suicide, the remaining cast members move back into the apartment. Mick has cleverly removed any obstructions that the shows finale introduced. Monica and Chandler became parents in the last episode and left the apartment to move to a family home. So why would they move back to a small apartment?

“Oh, that was really easy to write,” Said Mick. “Friends fans love the apartment, so I wrote into the storyline that they had their baby taken off them by social services after leaving it in a hot car with the windows up. Also, I’ve always hated Chandler so I gave him throat cancer and he has lost his voice forever. He will still be in the film but he won’t be saying anything. He will still be funny though because there is a scene where he drinks some coke and it squirts out of the hole in his neck and goes all over Rachel’s dress and she goes mad.”

Rachel is Mick’s favourite character. So what’s in store for her? “I love Rachel,” smiles Mick. “But I’ve had to let her character grow up. She’s not as ditzy as she was in the show. She’s more confident with her body and has matured sexually, so there are quite a few sex scenes, two shower scenes, one bath scene, one where you see her getting undressed, one where you see her getting dressed, a scene in a spa where she has a full body massage, one in a hospital where she has a bed bath and she has a new job as a lifeguard so you get to see her in a bikini too and a naughty nurse outfit when she goes to a fancy dress party.”

With her best friend and brother dead and her husband mute, what’s in store for Monica? “Not much.” Coughs Mick. “She’s depressed so she just does a lot of cleaning.” Finally, we ask Mick about the shows semi successful spin-off character Joey. “Oh!” says Mick. “I completely forgot about him. Damn it to Hell! I’ll have to start again.”

The release date for the Friends movie is yet to be confirmed.