Ben Adams loses Big Brother but wins modelling contract

Celebrity Big Brother’s boy-band bonny boy Ben is determined to prove that he is no more than just a pretty face. The BB loser has signed an exclusive modelling contract with high street fashion chain Topman. A delighted Ben told us, “I’m delighted. I’ve always wanted to prove that I am just a pretty face and this is the perfect way for me to showcase that quality.”

 

Ben will begin his modelling contract this spring. Topman’s top man told us. “Ben will be standing in our Oxford Street window for the first six months of his contract. We normally use mannequins but they’ve put the prices up and we can’t afford them. We’ve been searching for models for months and then we saw Ben in Big Brother and he fitted the bill perfectly.” Ben will be dressed in the season’s most fashionable clothes by a window dresser, positioned and forced to stand still so he doesn’t distract customers.

 

Ben’s initial concern was that he would starve to death but Topman have a plan to ensure he will survive. “Ben will be fed Yoplait through an intravenous drip three times a day and will have a catheter fitted so he has no excuse to move.” According to his contract, if Ben moves at all throughout the six month period he will not get paid. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take,” he told us. “I just want to prove once and for all that there are absolutely no brains behind my beauty.”

‘Nice’ Celebrity Gets Burnt as Bike Goes Bang and Blows!

Anthea Turner is famous for being a presenter and for making loads of money by posing with a chocolate bar, instead of her husband, in her wedding pictures. She is a former Blue Peter presenter and because she was so saccharine sweet she made thousands of innocent children turn to violence because they didn’t want to grow up like her.

 

Of late, Anthea hasn’t really been on terrestrial television and that is because she has been staring on her own show on the sub channels. Hidden away in the depths of satellite and cable television, Anthea is the star of Anthea Turner: Perfect Housewife, a programme in which she attempts to ridicule feminism. In one episode Anthea can be seen begging like a dog while her husband teases her with cash. He then makes her roll over, only to tear up the cash and spit on her. It was ever so degrading, but she loved it because she loves everything.

 

Most recently, the former Celebrity Big Brother contestant can be seen presenting Help Me Anthea – I’m infested. A show in which she helps people get rid of crabs, worms, lice and genital warts. It’s certainly not for the faint hearted. There was once a time when Anthea blew up and it was really dreadful. Here it is…

Dear Mario

We couldn’t believe when you were voted off Big Brother, I was gutted and my wife actually cried. You were so entertaining and amazingly intelligent. I can’t believe how experienced you are and how much you have packed into your life. Yours and Lisa’s enthusiasm for life has made me feel really ambitious and I am booked in to go paragliding with my wife after she has our baby. We’re so excited. I really admire the way you interacted with the other housemates you were always very respectable and mature which I feel the other contestants lacked and I think that you are a great role model to any youngster watching.

You and Lisa are the perfect couple and I hope that when you get married they televise it. I can remember when they televised Princess Diana’s wedding and it was phenomenal. I am sure your wedding would get a similar response as I know so many people that admire and respect you. I think it would be fantastic if you got your own show on television. You and Lisa could be the next Richard and Judy as they have just left Channel 4.

As I mentioned earlier, My wife and I are having a baby. We found out at the scan that we are having a little boy and I am proud to tell you that we have decided to call him Mario Marconi Beckham Clark, in honor of you and David Beckham who we also admire greatly and is a distant cousin of my wife. The birth is expected on 3rd of November and we are having a Christening ceremony in January (date is yet to be confirmed) I’m not sure if David & Victoria will be there because they live in L.A now and he is tied up with L.A Galaxy but we have had confirmation from Dave and Sarah (his mum and dad). I know we have never met but as you can probably tell from my letter, I think of you as a hero and would be so very honored if you and Lisa could possibly join us for the Christening of our little boy. I will understand if you can’t make it as I’m sure your careers will have really taken off by next January and I doubt you’ll be able to fit us into your hectic schedule. However Mario the offer is there and we would love our son to meet his namesake.

May we please have a signed photograph of you Mario? You are so inspirational, attractive and charismatic. Television and the world of entertainment needs more people like you and less people like Graham Norton.

Thanks so much. I look forward to hearing from you.

 

 

 

Dear The Sun

One features Mario ‘tucking himself in’. Three photographs show Mario in a variety of explicit poses with a hand pump and I also have a picture of him passionately sucking an old mans finger.

Many Thanks

Leigh Clark

 

 

Dear Daily Star

One shows Mario with his tongue inside an inflatable sheep. Three pictures show Mario in a variety of positions whilst ‘hanging out’ of ladies underwear and one is of him being consumed(sexually) by the hose on a Dyson.

I am selling these photographs but will not settle for any less that £2.50 (each), could you let me know if you are interested ASAP.

Many Thanks

Love from Leigh

A couple of days later I received the following posted by special delivery…

Dear Leigh

Many thanks for your recent letter regarding the photographs you have of Mario from Big Brother.

I am very interested in taking a look at the photographs and would ask you to please ring or email me immediately you receive this letter so that we can discuss this.

Kind Regards

Yours Sincerely,

Kirsty Jarman

Assistant Picture Editor

‘Interested in taking a look’ Pervert!

Dear Kirsty

Thank you for your interest in my photographs of Mario from Big Brother.

Unfortunately, I no longer have the photographs as I sold them to Mario himself who paid me a total of £50 for the set, which is more than I expected.

If you are still interested in looking at the pictures I suggest you contact him personally. Although don’t expect him to be very accommodating he was very rude to me and kicked our gate.

Love from Leigh