Lisa Scott-Lee Follows in Beyonce’s footsteps

Singing Steps sexpot Lisa Scott Lee held a press conference today to announce that she will be following in the footsteps of pop megastars Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez.

 

Lisa, who has failed every reality contest she has taken part in, took to the stage at a top secret primary school in her hometown of Rhyl to make the announcement. Unfortunately, the school hall had been double-booked and Lisa has to share the stage with the tombola for the school fate that was also taking place today. Luckily the hall cleared as soon as Lisa grabbed the microphone and she was able to announce her exciting news to an anxious onlooker.

 

“You may have read in the press over the past few years that stars such as Beyonce and Jennifer Lopez have insured their legs and posterior for millions of dollars. Well, I am so pleased to announce that I am following in their footsteps by not only insuring the contents of my house but I am insuring my car too.”

 

Lisa will be scanning any documents she receives and then placing them in a facebook photo album called “Insurance policies and other random stuff”. Also featured in the album, due to popular demand, is a picture of Lisa with a Shetland pony that was taken by her dad (above).

Barack Obama can sing and dance AND save the world

The new Pres is multi-talented. It appears he has inspired Beyonce so much that she ripped him off. He won’t mind though because he’s dead nice. Here’s his first music video…

X Factor Winner: The Painful Truth Behind My Tears

X Factor winner Alexandra Burke burst into tears when it was announced that she had won the series and a million pound recording contract. The songstress broke down and could barely compose herself due to tears of victorious joy. Whilst audiences celebrated, poor Alexandra was betraying the viewers and footballers wife Cheryl Cole with her sobbing. She was secretly weeping tears of devastation as Alex had received news seconds before the show that had ruined all of her plans for the future and potentially ruined her life.

 

Poor Alexandra performed to an “international standard” on Saturday nights show when she sang a powerful duet with Beyonce, an international singer from America. Alex received the crippling news only thirty seconds before she was due on stage to be crowned winner. A brave pal had made the call and sensitively delivered the news. “When I told Alex, she screamed, she was furious. I wish it had been someone else who had delivered the news. I felt like I had ruined her dream. It’s not something I’m going to forget in a hurry.”

 

 

The pal continued “I knew the news hadn’t had time to sink in. When they’d announced that she had won I could see that although she was pleased she’d won one million, she was absolutely livid that she hadn’t won seventeen more.” Poor Alexandra, who lives in a caravan and shares a bed with her four grandparents, had entered the National Lottery on Saturday and believed that she stood a very good chance of winning the 17 Million jackpot. “She left me with a pen and a pay as you go and told me to ring her as soon as I got the numbers. I knew she hadn’t won because she told me her numbers were 1,2,3,4,5 and 6. She didn’t have a cat’s chance in hell.” The pal scoffed.

 

See how upset Alexandra was over her Lottery loss…

 

 

Beyonce’s Secret Baby Boy: Video Exclusive

The true meaning behind Beyonce’s smash hit Baby Boy has been revealed exclusively by a chum who’s mum used to do Beyonce’s mums hair.

The Crazy in Love beauty has been secretly hiding her own baby boy from the glaring eye of the media for 3 years. The Chum’s mum says “Everyone’s favourite Dreamgirl fooled everyone with this baby. In the early days she used to carry him around in a dog carrier or just keep him in a bag but then he developed a growth disorder like Robin Williams did in that film Jack. On his second birthday he looked about 13 and now he is 3 he looks 30. It’s very sad” she laughed.

To keep her Destiny’s Child away from the intrusive eye of the media, Beyonce has had a horsebox converted into a playroom for her baby boy. She sometimes pops in to see him but because of his growth disorder Beyonce believes he can look after himself so she just posts a pizza through his specially modified letterbox every couple of days.

Beyonce’s secret is out and we can exclusively reveal footage of her baby boy practicing Mommy’s dance routines. 

 He may not have his Mommy’s looks but he’s sure got her moves.

Beyonce Bummed as Booty Gets Bashed

 

 

Poor Beyonce’s bum got a good old bashing when she fell down some stairs after making a surprise appearance at an impromptu gig at Los Angeles Zoo.

 

As the Bootilicious singer blasted out some of her famous hits, the animals went ballistic. They all went in to the Zoo’s auditorium two by two and in order of size so the rabbits and guinea pigs were on the front row. The primates were next and it is thought that it was a primate who was responsible for Beyonce’s tumble. A Zoo spokesman said “Some of the Chimps smuggled some bananas in under their jackets and got a bit over excited.” It was when Beyonce began singing Ring the Alarm, banana skins went flying through the air and unfortunately one of them landed on stage.

 

Beyonce carried on like a professional, but it is rumoured that she has shattered her coccyx and will have to have it replaced by someone with medical know- how, in the near future.  Accidents aside, it was an incredible show and the animals, especially the elephants, had a great time.