Michelle Heaton: Bitch in knickers

Lisa Scott-Lee’s ex sister in law Michelle Heaton announced last night that she is launching her own exclusive range of underwear.

 

Michelle has been working hard on the design since unceremoniously leaving the Celebrity Big Brother house. Michelle is very excited about the project. “I’ve been a singer and a television star and I like to dip my finger into different pies. Now I’ve got my fingers in knickers.” She gagged.

 

Michelle will face a lot of competition as the market is full of celebrity endorsed underwear. How will Michelle’s range fare alongside Kathy Staff’s tights and the Heather Mills stocking? “I’ve got my knickers in a twist or should I say there’s a twist to my knickers,” joked the Liberty X star. “I’ve had to look for a gap in the market and there are loads of knickers available for women so it got me thinking who else wears knickers?”

 

Michelle’s underwear will be called the Heat On range and will be designed for dogs on heat. “Dogs can make a hell of a mess when they’re on heat” she wept “I just thought it was about time something was done about it. I’ve got a Labrador and a cream carpet, you do the math.” Poor Michelle’s carpet woes came to a halt when she put a pair of her old knickers on the pup. “Hey presto,” she rejoiced “The mess was all in one spot and my furniture stain free. I felt inspired and thought it was my duty as a celebrity to help people all over the world with this global problem.”

 

Michelle’s Heat On underwear range will be launched next month at Pet World. Lucky bitches all over the country will be able to take their pick from a range of glamorous designs. “Don’t call them that please, I find it really disrespectful towards women.” Begged the ex sister in law of Lisa Scott Lee.