Dear Sandi Toksvig

I was wondering if you would be so kind as to send me a signed photograph because I have a hair appointment next Thursday and I’m always telling them about how much I adore your hair but they haven’t a clue who you are. Philistines, these hairdressers though aren’t they Sandy? They all drink alco-pops and eat Mcdonalds. I doubt they’ve heard of Sauvignon Blanc and Coq au vin. But that’s the difference between us and them Sandy. We are both culturally rich and surrounded by degenerate peasants.

So if you could please send the picture asap it would be most appreciated. I am going to a dinner dance on the evening and have bought a marvellous new outfit. My wife will be thrilled when I reveal my new image.

I got the photograph in time for my appointment but it is impossible to emulate the Tokswig!