Courtney Love Overdose Fears

 

Concerned Courtney Love fans last night held vigil outside her Malibu beach house after concerns were raised regarding the rock widows health. Rumours of a suspected overdose had worked their way to the California coast leaving hundreds of fans in turmoil.

 

SADNESS

 

There were tears of sadness as crazed fans occupied themselves by singing Hole songs, writing poetry and building sandcastles in the shape of their idol. Phil, 36 left work early to join his fellow fans, he told us. “There is nothing more important than Courtney, I ran out of my work and broke the speed limit to get here to comfort fellow Courtney Lovers. I even hit a child and didn’t stop. That’s how much she means to me.”

 

HARM

 

The musician and actresses fans are incredibly devoted and socialize within the community that they have created in her honour. Tara, 17 from Santa Monica left home at 16 and now resides beneath a sheet of corrugated iron adjacent to Courtney’s home. “The move wasn’t intentional” she laughed, “I went to an emo concert one night and got self harmed beyond recognition and when I got home Mom wouldn’t let me back in the house because she didn’t believe I was me. I can laugh about it now.” She wept.

 

DANGER

 

The fears for Courtney’s health came to light when the star was spotted in an exclusive Hollywood supermarket. The cashier was shocked when he saw the contents of the American Sweethearts trolley. “It was full to the brim with bananas, tonnes of them. I warned her of the dangers of over consumption but she seemed incredibly focused for a female.” He said.

 

DEATH

 

Word spreads quickly on the Hollywood grapevine and medical experts were inundating Courtney with warnings and advice on the matter. Doctor Howzer, 14 released a statement to the worlds press in the hope that it would reach Courtney before it was too late. “Bananas can be incredibly dangerous when in the wrong hands.” He continued “”The normal level of potassium in the bloodstream is in the range of 3.5-5.0 mm, while levels of 6.3-8.0 mm (severe hyperkalemia) result in cardiac arrhythmias or even death due to cardiac arrest. Potassium is potentially quite toxic. However toxicity or death due to potassium poisoning is usually prevented because of the vomiting reflex. There is speculation as to whether Courtney has one of these as she has never spoken of it. The consumption of food results in mild increases in the concentration of potassium in the bloodstream, but levels of potassium do not become toxic because of the uptake of potassium by various cells of the body, as well as by the action of the kidneys transferring the potassium ions from the blood to the urine. The body’s regulatory mechanisms can easily be overwhelmed, however, when potassium chloride is injected intravenously, as high doses of injected potassium can easily result in death. Courtney’s fate depends entirely on how she consumes the bananas.”

 

Emergency services were on standby at the time of going to press.