Britney Spears: Terrified of civilians

Britney was terrified when a civilian joined her on stage last night as she has very little contact with regular people. She told us, “Usually, I’m on a stage with bright lights in my eyes so I can’t see the fans. Some of them are so gross. If I could see them I would probably spend the duration of the show in a foetal position emptying the contents of my stomach. They would probably pay to see that as well,” She chuckled. “The bloody stupid idiots pay fifty quid a head to watch me mime to a load of songs that were written by some faceless buffoons. I haven’t learnt any dance routines either, I just shake my arms every now and again and they can watch me do that on telly for free.”
A spokesman for the cops said, “The deranged fan who penetrated Britney’s stage this evening has been identified as a danger to society. He tried to hypnotise Britney with a combination of normalcy and the art of dance in a dangerous attempt to win her heart.”
Britney was left shaken by the event. “I’ve never seen acne like it and he stank like a horny dog,” She sniffed.

Kylie high on crack SHOCKING EVIDENCE

Kylie Minogue has been off the radar for a while and that’s because she’s been hiding out in a dangerous crack den with four of Australia’s most dangerous kiddie catchers. Here is the shocking evidence…

Be warned: The bright colours and annoying sounds could result in you killing yourself or someone else. Sit on your hands until it’s finished.

Christian Bale remixed

Batman star Christian Bale is set to release his first single in aid of children all over the world who can’t afford playstations and don’t wash. It makes you want to pump yourself full with loads of drugs, remove your clothes and dance like you’ve had a reaction to strobe.

The BBC were kind enough to broadcast the single for the viewers to enjoy with their cornflakes…

Joaquin Phoenix

Here’s the best celebrity interview EVER

Shockingly, he was like this the last time he was on Letterman…

Here is a preview of the rapping career that Joaquin has given up acting to pursue…

and this is Joaquin falling off stage after he finished rapping…

Is he for real or just Joaquin? HA HA ha h!

Heath Ledger Tribute

Heath Ledger 4th April 1979 – 22 January 2008

Brokeback Mountain

Brokeback Parodies

Saved by the Brokeback

Star Wars: The Empire Brokeback

Two Hands (my personal favourite Heath Ledger film)

and if there’s any justice in the world he will get the Oscar for this…

R.I.P

Barack Obama can sing and dance AND save the world

The new Pres is multi-talented. It appears he has inspired Beyonce so much that she ripped him off. He won’t mind though because he’s dead nice. Here’s his first music video…

The Return of Five Star

Five Star have been hiding away at their Neverland Ranch for the last twenty years but, following the success of the Take That and Boyzone reunions, the Rain or Shine siblings have decided to give it another go.

Unusually, the pop group have decided to opt for a completely different line up consisting of the most untalented residents of Detroit. Five Star’s grandma, who is famous for making their rubbish costumes out of bedsheets and toilet seat covers, yesterday held a press conference to announce the famous five’s return. “They’re returning,” she spat “but with a completely different line up. people will be very surprised and I doubt anyone will recognise them. I hope they don’t get recognised because one of them was caught fiddling with himself in a public toilet and I’m thoroughly ashamed of him.” She wept.

Feast your eyes on the return of FIVE STAR

Lindsay Lohan in agreement with the rest of the world

Lindsay Lohan, America’s sexiest lesbian, shocked the paps with her mucky mouth when she lashed out at ex Prisoner Paris Hilton and used the worst word in the world.

Although the word Lindsay used originated from the word ‘quaint’ which was often ambiguously used by William Shakespeare to describe his cross-dressing actors. It is doubtful that the starlet was making reference to Paris being androgynous in appearance, because every man and his dog has seen her giblets scattered all over the web.

It is believed that the spat started when Lindsay left Paris in charge of her pencil case while she went to the toilet. When she came back Lindsay noticed that Paris had scribbled all over it. Shockingly, Paris had used a permanent marker and Lindsay was furious because it was a parting gift from her dead Grandma.

Madonna spoke out against the incident last night, “I’d whoop that B*tches ass if she ruined my pencil case”.

Merry Christmas

Have a cheeky Christmas y’all x