Katy agreed to perform her same sex snog anthem I Kissed a Girl in front of thousands of hungry dieters. Controversially Katy had the bare faced cheek to flaunt herself around a huge cake that sent the starving salad dodgers swarming towards the stage. Katy brought her own security guards who ensured her safety by attacking the charging hordes with cattle prods, taser guns and violent punches.

To rub salt into the crowds gaping wounds and growling stomachs Katy threw her slender frame on top of the cake and rubbed her womanhood all over it. At this point the hungry onlookers returned to their seats. The audience had the last laugh though when the singing lesbian became so lubricated she couldn’t stand up to leave the stage.

Watch the dirty mess below…

A spokesman from racism charity whatarewegoingtodecideisracistandwhoarewegoingtolynchpubliclythisweek.org was pleased with the result. “I couldn’t stop laughing,” he said. “Miley really screwed up when she pulled a racist face and now she’s screwing up her career.” He continued with a serious warning to all parents and pop fans. “Miley Cyrus is a dangerous racist. She is hypnotising your children with her Disney spell and is trying to increase her popularity through pop. Your children are watching her TV show and singing her songs. Your children are wearing Hannah Montana dress-up clothes so they can look exactly like her and then your children will progress to doing Miley’s dirty work for her when she orders a mass genocide. It’s got to stop! I have to go now or I’ll miss my bus.”

Watch Miley screw up below. It’s around 1.10.

Years before she was crowned the winner of Celebrity Big Brother Ulrika used to earn only £2.50 a day presenting the weather on TV-AM. The following is a clip of what happened when Ken Dodd came in to the studio and stuck his feather duster up her skirt to distract her. Ulrika thought it was hilarious and began a relationship with the ageing entertainer. Together the couple sold photographs of their every move to magazines such as Woman’s Own and My Weekly and became worth £200, thus making them the 897654th most powerful celebrity couple in the world.

Of late, Anthea hasn’t really been on terrestrial television and that is because she has been staring on her own show on the sub channels. Hidden away in the depths of satellite and cable television, Anthea is the star of Anthea Turner: Perfect Housewife, a programme in which she attempts to ridicule feminism. In one episode Anthea can be seen begging like a dog while her husband teases her with cash. He then makes her roll over, only to tear up the cash and spit on her. It was ever so degrading, but she loved it because she loves everything.

Most recently, the former Celebrity Big Brother contestant can be seen presenting Help Me Anthea – I’m infested. A show in which she helps people get rid of crabs, worms, lice and genital warts. It’s certainly not for the faint hearted. There was once a time when Anthea blew up and it was really dreadful. Here it is…

Poor Beyonce’s bum got a good old bashing when she fell down some stairs after making a surprise appearance at an impromptu gig at Los Angeles Zoo.

As the Bootilicious singer blasted out some of her famous hits, the animals went ballistic. They all went in to the Zoo’s auditorium two by two and in order of size so the rabbits and guinea pigs were on the front row. The primates were next and it is thought that it was a primate who was responsible for Beyonce’s tumble. A Zoo spokesman said “Some of the Chimps smuggled some bananas in under their jackets and got a bit over excited.” It was when Beyonce began singing Ring the Alarm, banana skins went flying through the air and unfortunately one of them landed on stage.

Beyonce carried on like a professional, but it is rumoured that she has shattered her coccyx and will have to have it replaced by someone with medical know- how, in the near future.  Accidents aside, it was an incredible show and the animals, especially the elephants, had a great time.

It’s hilarious when people fall over but only if they get back up again. Sometimes people die from falling over and that is not very funny for the victim or members of the victim’s family. Remember, it is only safe to laugh when you see movement after the fall.

It doesn’t matter if you laugh when a celebrity dies when falling over because they are not real. Celebrities are made up for television. Here is a clip of a celebrity who used to be on Star Trek. He’s really old, so you may worry about the fragility of his bones, but not for long because the fall is way too funny.

How about on next years I’m a Celebrity they just line up tonnes of Z-listers at the top of a hill and push them off?