Britney Spears: Terrified of civilians

Britney was terrified when a civilian joined her on stage last night as she has very little contact with regular people. She told us, “Usually, I’m on a stage with bright lights in my eyes so I can’t see the fans. Some of them are so gross. If I could see them I would probably spend the duration of the show in a foetal position emptying the contents of my stomach. They would probably pay to see that as well,” She chuckled. “The bloody stupid idiots pay fifty quid a head to watch me mime to a load of songs that were written by some faceless buffoons. I haven’t learnt any dance routines either, I just shake my arms every now and again and they can watch me do that on telly for free.”
A spokesman for the cops said, “The deranged fan who penetrated Britney’s stage this evening has been identified as a danger to society. He tried to hypnotise Britney with a combination of normalcy and the art of dance in a dangerous attempt to win her heart.”
Britney was left shaken by the event. “I’ve never seen acne like it and he stank like a horny dog,” She sniffed.