I have been a big fan of yours for some time but haven’t seen you on television for ages and I think it’s about time you had your own show.
I recently went on holiday to Gran Canaria and whilst I was there I came up with a few ideas that I think you may be interested in. Firstly, there’s KNOW WHAT I MEAN HARRY? – This is a quiz show, of which you are the host. There is a pannel of eight contestants and you will have to describe something but you’re not allowed to say what it is, for example: You will pull a peice of paper from a golden envelope, the paper will say something on it like ‘coctail stick’ and you will describe it like this – ‘It’s small and can be made of plastic or wood, food can be put on it and it is often found on a plate, more than often at a party or a buffet but don’t let children play with them because it can be dangerous’. Then you shout, at the top of your voice ‘Know What I mean Harry?’ and the contestant that buzzes in first gets the point. You will do this for an hour and then a bell will ring (i.e a boxing one) and this will be the end. The person with the most points wins a holiday of a lifetime. The runner up gets a ‘Know What I mean Harry?’ Mug and the rest of them do a fun run as a forfeit. All the proceeds from the fun run goes to charity and we can see how the contestants got on on the following weeks episode.
My other idea is BOXING CLEVER – Each week you will be asked a series of questions on news and current affairs. If you get them right you are given a thousand pounds but if you get them wrong the money has to go to a lucky viewer who gets picked at random from the shows computer. The computer will be kept backstage and you will be given a golden envelope and you will open it and then read out the winners name, but you will keep their address to yourself as broadcasting this information could result in hazardous consequences (such a burglary or graffiti from a jealous neighbour) Once you have said congratulations to them you can introduce the shows musical guest who will be someone like Gabrielle as she once featured boxing in her video for I’m ready to Rise again.
Finally there’s LIVING IN A BOX WITH FRANK BRUNO – This gives a whole new meaning to the term ‘Boxing’ as you will be sleeping in a cardboard box on the busy streets of London so that you can experience, first hand, the life of a homeless person. Cameras will be on you for the whole six weeks and you will be broadcast live on the internet. I have checked and the domain name www.livinginaboxwithfrankbruno.com is available so I have bought it for twenty five years and it cost me loads. I don’t mind though because we were planning on selling the car anyway since I lost my license. You will be able to tell viewers how horrible it is to be homeless and discourage other people from becoming homeless by drawing attention to the horrors of it.
I hope my suggestions have been of some help to you Frank. I think it’s about time you got an O.B.E from the Queen because I think you’re great. Good luck with these plans Frank and hopefully I’ll see you on the television soon.
Please can I have a signed photograph for my troubles, not that its been any trouble.
Love from
Leigh Clark
Frank kindly sent me a very large photograph of him wearing nothing but his medal. He kindly pointed out on the back that he had an M.B.E and unfortunately before he had chance to make any of my ideas into real programmes, he had a complete mental breakdown. I hope my letter was not the catylist of his tragic demise.
The parents of drug addict Chloe Madeley, Richard and Judy, are in hiding today after details emerged that the couple are to face the axe.
“I can’t believe it,” wept Judy. “She was only sucking on a bong. I’ve sucked worse, especially in my youth, but my parents didn’t get threatened with an inhumane death penalty. Mind you, they’d kill me themselves if they found out the nature of the things I’d had in my mouth because they’re both very racist.”
A spokesman from Amnesty International released the following statement. “Amnesty International is against such means of savage brutality but on this occasion have decided to turn a blind eye as we had a show of hands in the office this morning and everyone agreed that the couple should be axed.”
Richard has yet to comment on the issue but pals say he’s taking it in his stride. “Oh, you know Richard. He’s totally relaxed and cool about it.”
The Prime Minister, Gordon Brown was last night asked to do all he can to protect the dynamic duo from such a vicious termination and he released the following statement, “No”.
Below: Remind yourself of Richard and Judy’s finest moment. When Judy exposed herself on live television and as a result found herself in the evil clutches of TV’s Mr Nasty, John Leslie who couldn’t resist running onto stage for a closer look and a smell of Judy’s hair.
